What is Remediation

The word -remediation- is very important in the work my colleagues and I do with families affected by autism and other neuro-developmental disabilities, but it is a word that is unfamiliar to many people. I thought I would take a moment this week to talk about what remediation means in general, and specifically in the realm of autism.

Let’s start with some basic dictionary definitions:
Remediate (verb) – To remedy a problem
Remedial (adjective) – Intended to correct or improve one’s skill in a specific field; therapeutic, corrective, restorative
Remediation (noun) – Use of remedial methods to improve skills; the act or process of correcting a deficiency

Dr. Steven Gutstein’s definition of remediation: Correcting a deficit to the point where it no longer constitutes and obstacle

My definition: Work ON something, not just around it

Whether you are a parent or professional, it is critical to understand what remediation is, and the distinction between remediation and compensation. Perhaps the most common application of this distinction is in the area of reading problems. If a child is diagnosed with a reading disability, we typically apply remediation approaches to help them learn to read. At various points we may use compensations, such as books on tape, to support them. However, our goal is to remediate, or correct, the problem that is preventing them from reading so they can become functional readers. In my professional experience, I have yet to come across a situation where adults believe that if an 8 year old child is not yet reading, that we should just compensate for that and give them books on tape to listen to for the rest of their lives. Remedial efforts are taken to get to the root of the problem and overcome the issues that are preventing successful reading.

Now take this same concept and apply it to individuals on the autism spectrum. By definition they are struggling in many areas: socialization, communication, thinking flexibly, and the list goes on depending on the person. What approach do we usually take to these deficits? By and large, we take a compensation approach. We find ways to work around these problems so that the students fit into the mold of what we do at home and in school everyday. Our main motivation becomes applying strategies that help them exhibit what we consider to be -typical- behaviors -sit appropriately in the classroom or at church, learn academic skills, play on the playground equipment, wait in line without becoming upset, greet others when we see them, etc. While we may also look for ways to support their communication and to improve their relationships with others, we do this on a very surface level without really understanding the obstacles that create those problems in the first place. And, because we don’t really understand the root issues that create these problems, we resort to compensation techniques rather than remediating the root causes.

When you look at the history of treatments in the field of autism, it has been primarily about compensation. While research on the brain and autism has continued to move forward and provide us new information, our treatment approaches have stagnated. The methods we were using 30 years ago are still the methods being used today, despite the fact that we have a whole host of new information available to us. We now have the capacity to take what we know about the disorder of autism and how it impacts brain function, and develop new techniques and approaches that move beyond compensation and actually work to remediate (correct) the primary features of the disorder. This is one of the exciting things about newer approaches such as the Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) Program, which focuses on remediating, rather than just working around, the core deficits we see in individuals with autism and other neuro-developmental disorders.

It is time to move beyond thinking about treatment as merely capitalizing on strengths, and begin thinking about how to strengthen areas of weakness. Research has shown us that autism is primarily a disorder of connectivity in the brain-with some portions over connected and others under connected. What is so exciting about this is that we know that neural connectivity can change throughout the lifespan. The human brain has an enormous capacity for developing new connections and changing the patterns of connectivity when given the right types of stimulation. This is what allows us to look at autism treatment in a new light. It cannot be merely about strengthening the areas that are already strong. Effective education and treatment must be focused on building new connections in the areas where connectivity is deficient. This is the essence of remediation.

About the Author: Autism specialist Nicole Beurkens, founder and director of the Horizons Developmental Remediation Center, provides practical information and advice for families living with autism and other developmental disabilities. If you are ready to reduce your stress level, enrich your child’s development, and improve your family’s quality of life, get your FREE reports now at ==> www.HorizonsDRC.com

I’m Still Madly In Love With My Ex And I Want Them Back

At the breakup of a long term relationship or marriage there are many who are still thinking to themselves, “I’m still in love with my ex.” This is common, so you are not alone in your thinking. You probably still have some hope that you can get them back. Even if things seem bleak right now and hope is little, it does not mean you cant get your ex back. Not only can you get them back, but the relationship can be stronger than ever. But, when you find that you are saying, “I’m still in love with my ex”, and you are longing to get your relationship back you will have to make it stronger if it has more of a chance to last.

Be careful in your anxiousness to get your lover back. For those impatiently declaring “I’m still in love with my ex” you may be too quick to turn back the hands of time. You may get what you ask for now, but if done incorrectly you may have the same final results that you experienced before.

The best place to begin is at ground zero. Take the time to figure out what mistakes were made in the previous relationship and also how the mistakes had an impact on the relationship. This will begin the process of building a stronger love than was present before. Starting all over again from scratch is the way to get back the one you love. You have to behave smarter this second time around, so tell yourself, “Yes, I’m still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better this time around.”

Let your renewed relationship happen naturally, and not in a contrived manor. Start up a friendship with your ex first, but take it slowly. If your ex feels that you are just trying to jump back into the relationship and things will be no different, than getting back together may not happen. It’s an age old saying, but if you are supposed to be together than it will happen.

You may experience a lot of crying and depression after your breakup but dont let your ex see it. Try your best to think positively as well. Most plans only succeed if you think positively. Acting depressed to your ex is more of a turn off than not. They probably would think “I dont want that in my life.” But, if they sense you are actually happy they will be curious as to what is going on, and re-think the breakup.

Ask yourself, “What type of person would I like to be with?” Would your ex like to be with that type as well? The majority of people want to hang around happy people who can create happiness in other’s lives too. That is the type of person you will want to be. Try to be someone that is in a good mood, can make others smile and can make a person feel they are wanted in life. Make your ex feel special to you.

You will be able to get your ex back and regain that love again if you can make yourself valuable to your ex. As well you want to make them feel needed by you. A balance of both is necessary. It is one thing to say, “I’m still in love with my ex”, but unless you take your time in building a stronger foundation than you had before you will not be able to get the love you had back as well as a stronger relationship.

Keep Up The Joy Of A Satisfactory Relationship

It’s not said without reason that sustaining healthy relationships is no cakewalk. This is because a relationship takes along a lot many expectancies and added responsibilities to be sorted. These can easily put a good relationship in a condition of disparity.maintaining a successful relationship is no advanced science either. Let’s have look at some of the pointers that will help you strike the right chord in relations.

One of the best and the most important things that you need to do to maintain a satisfactory relationship is to grasp your boundaries well. well. Make a clear cut agreement as to what the 2 of you should expect from one another. Make yourself understand that you are going to have to make an arrangement at two stages to keep the relationship going. After you set up a mutual agreement, things become a lot quicker and more easy.

Relationship experts tell that the most common reason behind relations coming apart is lack of communication. Proper communication is the key to adequate relationship as it enables issues to be worked out in a calm and composed demeanour. If there’s any doubt of or misunderstanding, you should sit down with your other half and discuss things. Keep in mind that communication is a 2 way process. Both of you should be open to consultations and to listening the perspective of other person as well. Single sided communication might make things worse as one individual might lose interest of all the talking and other will get tired of all the listening.

Keep your ego hassles aside and learn new things from your better half. Learning things from your partner will make your partner feel more respected and admired. This helps build the ground for a good relationship. You may just learn the simplest of things from your partner like learning to serve food in a particular manner or being straightforward in nerve wracking scenarios. But make sure that you learn only good things from your partner.

The basic rule of relationship is that you should be truthful. Lies are the worst enemy of any relationship. If you rely on lies, you may be able to keep matters in your favor for a while but in the long term, it’ll come right back. The stress and suspicion that truth has been divulged will only aggravate your relationship. It’s also bad for your character and behavior generally. Similarly when the truth actually comes out, you can never be in a position to face your partner again.

Last but not the least ; nothing can keep the relationship going better than unconditional love for each other. It is usually better to keep the expectations level low in a relationship. Give unconditional support and like to your other half and see how it work wonders to the relationship. Unconditional loving is actually the sure shot method to keep the relationship moving in a positive direction.

Remember that with some effort and truthfulness you can enjoy an enduring, pleasant relationship.

Toxic Thoughts Can Ruin A Perfectly Good Relationship

If you tend to have anxiety over little things that turn out to be nothing in the end then you may dealing with a lot of little toxic thoughts that could potentially ruin your relationship.

Toxic thoughts are irrational thoughts that spill over into your imagination and become untrue stories in your head that you eventually start to believe. The initial thought is enough to have you concoct a wild story in your head that has the potential to cause fights and rifts in the relationship.

Examples of those initial toxic thoughts are:

– Is she cheating on me with that guy?
– Why did he really come home late?
– Why didnt she say I love you today?
– Why did he give me that look?
– Shes going to leave me because I said no!

These random thoughts with no real substance behind them come from negative past experiences, low self-esteem, and negative issues that havent been resolved.

Once they take seed into your imagination you can literally start to feel out of control, so you try to prove that you are right by finding evidence or gathering more visual clues from your partner that really doesnt have any merit or substance to it, but helps your case in your mind.

For example if your partner works late one night and you wonder whether they were really at someones house then you may start to question why they took a shower when they got home or why they went straight to bed when they got home or any number of things that might point to them being at someone elses house. Of course they probably took a shower to get clean and went to bed from exhaustion but your mind has already begun its own story that doesnt accept those real answers as truth.

The problem is that you can keep on trying to convince yourself you are right when there is nothing really to prove right! This can cause you to act irrational and do and say things that are uncalled for, and that can lead to fights and over time breakup or divorce.

So if you are prone to toxic and irrational thoughts then your mission should be to get rid of the toxic thoughts and instead trust in your partner and what they say and do, unless they give you a real sign that theres something to not trust. Toxic thoughts are a waste of time, make you feel bad, and use up time in your life that could be better spent.

Removing these thoughts can take practice though. Especially if you are always on guard and ready for a disaster in your relationship. You need to start by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones. Your thoughts directly affect your feelings so if you want to feel as though you trust your partner you have to think as though you trust your partner.

Just being aware that your thoughts are toxic and irrational will help you to get rid of them. When you recognize that a thought is toxic dont try to fight it. Instead replace it with a more appropriate and positive thought.

For instance, when your partner comes home late from work and tells you they had to work late your mind may start to wonder where they really were. Instead of allowing your imagination to continue picturing where you think they were, try picturing them at work and think about the hard work that they put in for the day. This will allow you to see them at work instead of someones house and will help you feel better about the situation.

Replacing your toxic thoughts with more appropriate and positive thoughts will start you off in getting rid of those toxic thoughts for good. After that you should work on your self-esteem and confidence level by reading self-help books or talking to a therapist. The only way you can change the way you think is to take action and learn new ways to think. Your self-confidence and self-esteem will improve dramatically with each new belief you acquire.

Whatever action you decide to take, do not allow yourself to continue living with toxic thoughts about your relationship. True happiness in a relationship comes from trust and living in the moment. Allow yourself to see your relationship for what it really is at all times and work on issues as they arise, but do not make up issues in your mind because you will, in the end, create exactly what you are trying to avoid.

How To Get Your Ex Back- And Rebuild The Relationship

You want to know how to rebuild your relationship and get your ex to come back. What can you do?

This can be a difficult enterprise. Sometimes the things you need to do will seem counter productive. You need to be strong and have faith in the process and yourself.

One important strategy is to step back and stay calm. Raging emotions are usually unhelpful. No desperation here, just logical thinking, in determining what you need to do to have the best chance of rebuilding your relationship.

You should realize that the break up could be permanent and you will have to prepare yourself for this eventuality. It is important here to understand that in the long term it is better to cut your loses and move on than keep pursuing a lost course. Look at it this way, it’s better to be alone than be in the wrong relationship.

Having said that, most relationships can be saved and worth a second chance.

If your ex is resisting making contact, then you need to show that you are OK with that. Acceptance of the situation can take the pressure off and prevent further damage being done.

Constant phone calls/text messages can drive your ex further from the idea of getting back together with you. It is better to have them wondering what you are doing. Remember the saying that absence makes the heart stronger. Keep your ex guessing.

Then get on with your daily activities as if everything is as it should be!)

See your friends and have fun but be careful. Don’t overdo things here as that could be very unproductive. Trying to make your ex jealous is not worth the trouble and could easily backfire.

When your ex hears that you are doing well,he/she may rethink the situation, and start to make reconciliation moves towards you.

Sometimes just by taking the pressure off is all that you need to do. It gives your ex time to realize how good the relationship was and that it is worth another try.

Usually, if the relationship is going to go anywhere, it will be up to the person who walked away to make the first contact.

When contact is renewed be sure to take things slowly. No rushing straight back to where you left off. Give yourselves the time to get to know each other as friends again.

Then it would be the time to discuss the situation, what and why things went wrong. It is important to understand how you both feel and what you both want and need from the relationship.

Having taken the time individually to think things through, you will both be clear about how to proceed.

This way you have a much better chance of getting your ex back and rebuilding you relationship.